You know that expression, "that's just not on my radar?" You know, when my neighbor asks me if I know whether the city finally approved the new municipality tax? Or, my brother asks if I'll be competing in the Charlie Sheen rant contest. I might say, "No, that's not on my radar" (although in the case of the Charlie Sheen contest, it most certainly is on my radar!). Meaning, I'm not paying attention to it.
I've been speculating that if I had access to an Infinite Radar, where I could pick up a broad view of any situation, that I'd be in good stead. Rather than feel irritated that my daughter left her food all over the computer, again, I'd simply dial into my Infinite Radar and receive a more pleasing frequency: "Her mind is on inspiring visions. Her not putting a dish away is not a sign that she'll never get anywhere in life." That would be good, right????
So, my question today is: if I had access to an Infinite Radar would I still be angry that my husband is only working 4 hours a week and earning very little money to contribute to our bank account?
I don't know.
What inspires me about developing an Infinite Radar is that I believe that would result in freedom, peace and calm. Yes, people, a little bit of calm for heaven's sake! I'm kind of hopped up over here and could use a little predictability. Or so I say. I mean, I did just post the following on my Facebook Page:
Some good advice from Gail Cantor: "The more you are trying to hold all of life together, the less equipped you are for when it falls apart. Life falls apart all the time. Whatever you think is going to stay the same - forget it, it's not."
It's like, I get it at one level, the goal of life is not comfortability, predictability, security. I'm here to live, for crying out loud! Not get stuck in comfort and same old, same old. Living out loud, being self-expressed, following my passions, living it up, does not hold any guarantees. AND, there is a human game where we use money in exchange for services. I want my husband to amp up his game so our team is strong!
From my perspective, from my radar which is most definitely narrow in this regard, I don't see why he can't pursue his passions and work half time. People do this. They do! And if he did, I'd get a new pair of shoes!
I'm all for an Infinite Radar, people. Yet, it eludes me when it comes to my husband's choice not to work.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder
About a week ago, I finally entertained the idea my mother suggested five years ago, and my husband reiterated three months ago: that I may have a case of Attention Deficit Disorder.
Last week I noticed that although I have been meaning to start meditating, repeat various affirmations daily, and pray for several weeks, those practices have not yet materialized. I do get up and get stuff done, but some of the things that are most important and exciting to me are getting the royal shaft-o-la: my spiritual practices, my Divine discipline. I fulfill on areas where there is a certain level of anxiety that if I don't things will go to hell in a hand basket (I show up for work, I call people back, I get my daughter where she needs to go). However, areas where there is no fear, where I'm coming purely from a vision of possibility, I am not completing.
That insight jump started two important actions: the creation of this blog and meditating daily in the morning.
I'm reading Autobiography of a Yogi and it's blowing my mind! I'm exploring learning Kriya Yoga and this thought occurred to me - "Am I suffering from Spiritual ADD? I go from one spiritual practice to the next: Transcendental Meditation, sweat lodges, ayahuaska ceremonies, dream interpretation, church, yoga, Reconnective Healing, kriya yoga. Is that a sign of a lack of follow through? Should I just commit to one thing?"
That kind of question is not generated in Divine Consciousness, it's a concern that I'm not "doing something correctly," or I don't look good. When in tune with the Infinite Radar, with Cosmic Mind, I know that I'm doing everything perfectly and looking good has nothing to do with anything.
Last week I noticed that although I have been meaning to start meditating, repeat various affirmations daily, and pray for several weeks, those practices have not yet materialized. I do get up and get stuff done, but some of the things that are most important and exciting to me are getting the royal shaft-o-la: my spiritual practices, my Divine discipline. I fulfill on areas where there is a certain level of anxiety that if I don't things will go to hell in a hand basket (I show up for work, I call people back, I get my daughter where she needs to go). However, areas where there is no fear, where I'm coming purely from a vision of possibility, I am not completing.
That insight jump started two important actions: the creation of this blog and meditating daily in the morning.
I'm reading Autobiography of a Yogi and it's blowing my mind! I'm exploring learning Kriya Yoga and this thought occurred to me - "Am I suffering from Spiritual ADD? I go from one spiritual practice to the next: Transcendental Meditation, sweat lodges, ayahuaska ceremonies, dream interpretation, church, yoga, Reconnective Healing, kriya yoga. Is that a sign of a lack of follow through? Should I just commit to one thing?"
That kind of question is not generated in Divine Consciousness, it's a concern that I'm not "doing something correctly," or I don't look good. When in tune with the Infinite Radar, with Cosmic Mind, I know that I'm doing everything perfectly and looking good has nothing to do with anything.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Correlation: expansive consciousness and being single
The monks have it right. I mean, it seems much easier to expand consciousness without being married or having a child.
In the grocery store yesterday I practically had a conniption because my 12 year old daughter accused me of "always saying no" after I agreed to: buy her a re-usable mug, buy her sushi, buy a gift for the Office Manager at her school who is leaving for maternity leave, and buy several packets of protein mix for smoothies. My "no" was my answer to her request for nasal spray. I hadn't heard her complain once about nasal itch and I didn't want to spend another $12.
"Mom, why can't you ever say yes?" she asked.
"Are you kidding me?"
"No, mom. You're always like 'no, no, no' and I have no freedom."
What do I do with that? I'll tell you: my radar shrank faster than you can say Harry's Hot Dogs. All that was in this mom's radar was the word "ungrateful."
Then, there's my husband, who is sick and groaning all night and day about his fever. He recently had ACL replacement so I have exhausted my ability to channel the healing ministrations of Betsy Ross.
My radar? Pretty focused on "Get over yourself."
I'm not proud of either of these stories however I see no way out but through.
In the grocery store yesterday I practically had a conniption because my 12 year old daughter accused me of "always saying no" after I agreed to: buy her a re-usable mug, buy her sushi, buy a gift for the Office Manager at her school who is leaving for maternity leave, and buy several packets of protein mix for smoothies. My "no" was my answer to her request for nasal spray. I hadn't heard her complain once about nasal itch and I didn't want to spend another $12.
"Mom, why can't you ever say yes?" she asked.
"Are you kidding me?"
"No, mom. You're always like 'no, no, no' and I have no freedom."
What do I do with that? I'll tell you: my radar shrank faster than you can say Harry's Hot Dogs. All that was in this mom's radar was the word "ungrateful."
Then, there's my husband, who is sick and groaning all night and day about his fever. He recently had ACL replacement so I have exhausted my ability to channel the healing ministrations of Betsy Ross.
My radar? Pretty focused on "Get over yourself."
I'm not proud of either of these stories however I see no way out but through.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Boredom - the Radar is too narrow
People! We're bored.
We may not know we're bored, but when we can pacify ourselves by watching hours of television, drinking 8 beers, having sex without love, eating more than we need, that's a pretty good indication that we Are BORED.
Quantum physicists have all but proved that parallel universes, time travel, accessing all the information ever, telepathy, reincarnation, quantum jumping, and instant healing are all possible. Why, with all that out there, would we turn on the television?
Because we're bored and exhausted by our boredom.
If we were willing to be with an infinite radar, where anything is possible, we would never get bored.
Ah, if it were only that easy.
A few months ago, when my daughter was 11 years old, I was telling her about Abraham. Abraham, as some of you know, is an entity channeled by Esther Hicks. They (Abraham is plural) show up for Esther because Esther has relaxed her ego and opened up to the unity of consciousness, at least that is what I told my daughter. I went on to say that is possible for any of us to be available to hearing the truths of the Universe, if we are willing to let go of our close identification and attachment to who we are.
"Mom," my daughter said, "That sounds like an adult fairy tale. Come on!"
Precisely.
When we are offered a miraculous possibility, like channeling wisdom, we may not be able to believe it. We've been told that truth is verified through Newtonian Scientific testing. If we cannot "prove" something in an objective, double blind study, it is not "true." In fact, it's wishful thinking, thinking for the weak who can't handle the hard truth, it's being naive, it's focusing on something "out there" that will distract us from the real work of daily living.
Plus, opening to an infinite radar could be scary because it's the unknown. If we experienced a parallel universe, for example, maybe we'd turn into a freak that our neighbors would judge, or that we ourselves would judge. Maybe in accessing the vast potential of creation we will become serious, moralistic, and lose rapport with our family and friends? If we begin a telepathic conversation with a Hmong emperor from 500 years ago, we might stop taking care of our children, or forget how to drive!
In an effort to be secure, to be safe, to make sense out of the limitless potential, we've created a tiny radar. When I refer to "we," I mean our society. You, specifically, did not create this propensity to think and imagine small on your own. Neither did I. This is a social phenomena that we can reverse right now.
I'm asking myself: Is security and familiarity worth being bored and sedated?
I don't think so.
We may not know we're bored, but when we can pacify ourselves by watching hours of television, drinking 8 beers, having sex without love, eating more than we need, that's a pretty good indication that we Are BORED.
Quantum physicists have all but proved that parallel universes, time travel, accessing all the information ever, telepathy, reincarnation, quantum jumping, and instant healing are all possible. Why, with all that out there, would we turn on the television?
Because we're bored and exhausted by our boredom.
If we were willing to be with an infinite radar, where anything is possible, we would never get bored.
Ah, if it were only that easy.
A few months ago, when my daughter was 11 years old, I was telling her about Abraham. Abraham, as some of you know, is an entity channeled by Esther Hicks. They (Abraham is plural) show up for Esther because Esther has relaxed her ego and opened up to the unity of consciousness, at least that is what I told my daughter. I went on to say that is possible for any of us to be available to hearing the truths of the Universe, if we are willing to let go of our close identification and attachment to who we are.
"Mom," my daughter said, "That sounds like an adult fairy tale. Come on!"
Precisely.
When we are offered a miraculous possibility, like channeling wisdom, we may not be able to believe it. We've been told that truth is verified through Newtonian Scientific testing. If we cannot "prove" something in an objective, double blind study, it is not "true." In fact, it's wishful thinking, thinking for the weak who can't handle the hard truth, it's being naive, it's focusing on something "out there" that will distract us from the real work of daily living.
Plus, opening to an infinite radar could be scary because it's the unknown. If we experienced a parallel universe, for example, maybe we'd turn into a freak that our neighbors would judge, or that we ourselves would judge. Maybe in accessing the vast potential of creation we will become serious, moralistic, and lose rapport with our family and friends? If we begin a telepathic conversation with a Hmong emperor from 500 years ago, we might stop taking care of our children, or forget how to drive!
In an effort to be secure, to be safe, to make sense out of the limitless potential, we've created a tiny radar. When I refer to "we," I mean our society. You, specifically, did not create this propensity to think and imagine small on your own. Neither did I. This is a social phenomena that we can reverse right now.
I'm asking myself: Is security and familiarity worth being bored and sedated?
I don't think so.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
I'm not Lying, I'm Tricking
Cursed New England winters. Last night was one of those wet, icy evenings where walking outside guaranteed alternating between deep puddles and black ice. I did not want to go out. However, and you dog lovers out there, you know what I'm talking about, our dog Jake needed a walk.
My husband Charlie shared that he'd walked Jake two times, already. Emma, our 12-year-old, said she had walked Jake once.
"Mom," Emma looked at me, "Have you walked Jake, yet?"
I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Yeah."
"Really, Mom? When?"
"No, I didn't walk him," I admitted.
"Mom, you lied!"
"I did not lie, Emma, I was tricking you."
That's right folks, not only did I tell a falsehood to my family, I then dodged responsibility for that lie by saying that it wasn't a lie so much as an elaborate ruse, one we would admire if executed successfully on "Modern Family", for example.
"Mom! That is the most ridiculous thing to say. I'm going to say that to you and see what you think."
Oh, crap, I'm thinking. I'm done for. My moral high ground, the ground I've so carefully cultivated, swept out from under me in less than a minute.
Cursed New England winter.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Limp Mouth
Last week, I left my full-time job and the fabulous health benefits that accompanied it. My benefits officially ended yesterday, February 28, 2011 (rest in peace) so I was scrabbling to get every health appointment possible before then. Yesterday, my last day of benefits, I went to the dentist to get SEVEN cavities filled.
Before going on, let me give you the top five reasons why my dentist is fabulous:
neck warmers
at your request, they reheat the neck warmers
dentist and assistant discussed Oscars while doing the work
the decor of the waiting room is such that you might mistake it for a hotel
free bottles of water, tea, coffee and cookies
Now that you have a sense of why my dentist is amazing, I'm in the chair and they are numbing me up. And everything the dentist does makes me grateful. Like, I appreciate how he surreptitiously hides that long ass novocaine needle at his side so I don't have to look at it. I'm a good yogi so I notice how I'm tensing up my neck and head and I'm wondering where I can engage my body to relax - udiyana bandha people! That's right, I sucked my gut in and it did wonders.
As the first 8 shots of novocaine are sinking in, and I'm chatting with the assistant, I realize that I was so focused on getting my appointment in on time to teach my noon yoga class that I didn't consider my mouth would be numbed when I went to teach that class. Hmmm.....
Sure enough, 1 minute before the class I'm scheduled to teach begins, I've got a limp mouth, as if I've had a stroke. I hear my pronunciation of f, m, w and b as awful however two test subjects (people I pulled to the said and said, "flat back," "downward dog," and "om" in their face) couldn't discern an issue. I went in to the studio, I taught my class and somehow, this limp mouth became my ally and I taught a great class.
But, this is what I'm talking about: an Infinite Radar. All that I was paying attention to, and man was I committed, was getting this appointment done in time to teach my class. Somehow, in that context, the numbing never entered my awareness. What could I put in place, what could I practice, such that I would be available to that consideration, too? This isn't an inquiry from the position that something was wrong - my class went great and Lord knows the world won't end if I forget details here and there. The inquiry is coming from a place that this lifetime is a magnificent game and I want to play well.
Before going on, let me give you the top five reasons why my dentist is fabulous:
neck warmers
at your request, they reheat the neck warmers
dentist and assistant discussed Oscars while doing the work
the decor of the waiting room is such that you might mistake it for a hotel
free bottles of water, tea, coffee and cookies
Now that you have a sense of why my dentist is amazing, I'm in the chair and they are numbing me up. And everything the dentist does makes me grateful. Like, I appreciate how he surreptitiously hides that long ass novocaine needle at his side so I don't have to look at it. I'm a good yogi so I notice how I'm tensing up my neck and head and I'm wondering where I can engage my body to relax - udiyana bandha people! That's right, I sucked my gut in and it did wonders.
As the first 8 shots of novocaine are sinking in, and I'm chatting with the assistant, I realize that I was so focused on getting my appointment in on time to teach my noon yoga class that I didn't consider my mouth would be numbed when I went to teach that class. Hmmm.....
Sure enough, 1 minute before the class I'm scheduled to teach begins, I've got a limp mouth, as if I've had a stroke. I hear my pronunciation of f, m, w and b as awful however two test subjects (people I pulled to the said and said, "flat back," "downward dog," and "om" in their face) couldn't discern an issue. I went in to the studio, I taught my class and somehow, this limp mouth became my ally and I taught a great class.
But, this is what I'm talking about: an Infinite Radar. All that I was paying attention to, and man was I committed, was getting this appointment done in time to teach my class. Somehow, in that context, the numbing never entered my awareness. What could I put in place, what could I practice, such that I would be available to that consideration, too? This isn't an inquiry from the position that something was wrong - my class went great and Lord knows the world won't end if I forget details here and there. The inquiry is coming from a place that this lifetime is a magnificent game and I want to play well.
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